We have forgotten how to tolerate each other

It’s easy to get along when we agree. The hard part is staying open when our views clash

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We live in a time when opinions are louder, sharper and more polarized than ever. Social media rewards outrage, algorithms reinforce echo chambers and confirmation bias thrives.

We all like to believe our views are grounded in reason, yet more often than not, we pay attention only to information that confirms what we already believe and quietly dismiss what challenges us. We see it in Parliament, in provincial politics and even in our neighbourhood Facebook groups: disagreements quickly harden into contempt.

That bias is not new, but it has intensified. Whether the subject is politics, religion, parenting or climate change, people are increasingly reluctant to hear one another out. We mistake silence for tolerance and defensiveness for strength. The question is not whether we hold strong views but whether we are willing to listen when someone else’s perspective collides with our own.

I learned that lesson early in my career. I had been invited to present a message I believed was important, one with far-reaching consequences for law enforcement and workplace safety. I prepared carefully, convinced of the value of my material. But the audience I faced was not eager to listen. Some appeared ready to defend entrenched positions before I had even spoken. Others, seeing only a young woman in uniform, doubted I had anything useful to add. Their skepticism was almost palpable.

That was confirmation bias at work. Many had already decided my contribution would not matter. My challenge was not to prove them wrong but to reach them anyway.

Waiting in the hallway, I felt the weight of fear. What if my voice failed? What if my message fell flat? As I entered the room, I realized a standard presentation would never be enough. I had to find a way to move them emotionally, to help them feel the urgency of the problems before them rather than simply hear about them.

That experience taught me something essential. Respect and tolerance are not tested when we are among people who already share our views. They are tested when we confront those we believe are wrong or misguided. In those moments, the temptation is strong to shut down, to dismiss, to harden our stance. True tolerance demands the opposite: an openness to engage, even when it feels uncomfortable.

It is also true that tolerance is often selective. We may quietly disapprove of certain positions but keep our objections private to avoid reputational or career costs. Publicly, we profess inclusiveness, but in private circles, we roll our eyes. Canadians often boast of being tolerant, yet our divisions—East versus West, rural versus urban, left versus right—show how fragile that claim can be.

In our era of polarization, these lessons matter more than ever. Social media makes it simple to curate our lives so we never have to hear a dissenting view. Political discourse thrives on contempt, not compromise. The more we divide into camps, the more confirmation bias digs in. If we want a healthier civic life, we have to resist that pull.

I believe that in the decades to come, people will be judged not only by what they know but by their ability to connect. Knowledge matters, but so does the willingness to engage with others, even adversaries. Influence will belong not to those who shout the loudest, but to those who can shift perspectives through empathy and conviction.

So the next time you have a chance to share your point of view, in a tweet, a boardroom pitch, a classroom or even a bedtime story, remember that communication is more than stating facts. It is about helping others care enough to reconsider what they think they know. Don’t hide behind the comfort of popular opinion. Choose tolerance over contempt.

Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.